Riding on the GO Train

Due to extenuating circumstances, Daniel couldn’t drive me to PMH for my appointment with Dr. Yee this past Wednesday.  So…I decided to take the GO Train and subway to get there and back.  Being on the train was bittersweet.  It reminded me of my normal life back when I took the GO Train to and from work every morning and every evening.  I remembered how much I hated the commute, and how tiring it was.  This time, I just looked out the window and wonderered when, if ever, I would commute to work again.  I looked around at my fellow commuters and thought how lucky they were to be able to have such a crappy commute to and from work.

The dressing from my surgery last week was starting to irritate my skin, so I got Dr. Yee to remove it.  She looked at it and said it was healing well.  I trust her with my life, literally.  The irritation has since subsided as well, so things are good on that front.  No complications to speak of.

My blood results this week are good.  Everything is either normal or close enough so things are good on this front as well.  Every once in a while, I ask Dr. Yee whether she is sure that my leukemia will return and be out of control.  Every time, she says, “Yes, I am sure.  The literature confirms this over and over again.”  You see, since I am doing so well on Gleevec right now, I often wonder whether the Gleevec can hold off my leukemia forever so that I will not be needing a transplant.  Maybe I am a “special” case, I think to myself.  Unfortunately, Dr. Yee doesn’t think so and still thinks I should get my transplant as soon as possible, when a suitable donor is found.  I find myself grasping at straws a lot lately.  I also teeter totter between episodes of being very strong and hopeful, and episodes of being a total mess.

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